By Louise Martin, Solicitor in the Family Team and Family Mediator
There is plenty of advice out there on the internet for parents concerned about agreeing Christmas arrangements with their child’s other parent. With over 18 years’ experience as a Family Solicitor, and seven years’ experience as a Family Mediator, Director and Head of Family, Louise Martin offers her top three tips for the festive season ahead, which could apply to other holidays too.
1. Prioritising your child’s needs
For most children Christmas is an incredibly exciting and magical time. It is important for them, where it is safe to do so, to have permission to love and grow a relationship with both parents. As long as it is safe, your children will benefit from having a loving, meaningful relationship with both parents, and from seeing their parents encourage and promote these bonds. You can remind them that they are loved by both of their parents.
2. Planning
Everyone is looking to make a plan for Christmas. Your children will be reassured to know what they are doing in the Christmas holidays, when, and with whom, as part of a plan that you have agreed together for them.
The key to making plans will be to communicate and compromise. No parent will have exactly the same way of going about the celebrations. Depending on the age of your children, it would be good to work out what priorities are important to maintain for your children, for example upholding certain customs, traditions or religious practices, and where it is ok to allow the other parent to do things a little differently. Your children’s best interests are key.
Thinking ahead about how you are going to make these plans will be important: What are the dates that are important to each of you? How can you share those special days? What else can you do to make sure that your children get the best out of the celebrations, with both of you? Do you need to talk about Christmas gifts, and possibly how to coordinate these? Try and agree who will be responsible for what.
There is likely to be extended family involved, who may be very important to your children. Your children may want to share special times with these people too.
3. Listen to your child
Your children do not want you to fight and, when thinking about avoiding a dispute, it can help to hear the voice of your child or children. What would they want?
Children can feel guilty about spending time with the other parent, especially if they feel that the other parent is unhappy with the arrangements. Try to work together to agree the arrangements. Let them know that it was your choice to support their best interests and wishes in the arrangements.
The Family Justice Young People’s Board is a group of over 40 children and young people aged 8–25 years old in England, who have either experienced the family justice system or have an interest in children’s rights and the family courts. Click the link for their helpful range of ‘top tips’ for separated families and young people.
Resources:
- Family Mediation enables separated parents to have a conversation and make choices about their children in a safe setting. Consider Family Mediators in your area
- Co-parenting apps are available for those separated parents who wish to access the support and facilities offered. Our Family Wizard is available at a relatively affordable cost, and free for low-income families at their discretion, and offer discounts to military families.
- For legal advice about your children issue this festive season, or at any time, contact the Family Team at Onions & Davies Solicitors on 01630 652405. It is recommended that you always take legal advice should you have any concerns about domestic abuse and safeguarding.
Louise and the team take this opportunity to wish you and your family a healthy Christmas and all the best for a bright new year ahead.
Please note that the practice will be closed for Christmas from 5:00pm on 22nd December and will reopen at 9:00am on 2nd January 2024. We will also be closed from 1pm for the afternoon on 20th December 2023.